On Holding Babies
I recently heard a podcast featuring Stephen Shaw, writer and producer of the documentary Birthgap, which explores his work in understanding falling birthrates. In this podcast, Shaw shared some notable remarks concerning the pending demographic winter facing the world. One observation he makes is that once a woman becomes a mother, she will most likely have as many, if not more children, than women just a few decades ago. He said current mothers in the US are having more children than they did in the 1980’s, while mothers in Europe and Japan are having just as many children as their mothers did a generation ago. It’s not that mothers are having fewer babies, it’s that fewer women are becoming mothers.
Becoming Parents
Which leads to another interesting point from Shaw: men and women overwhelmingly still want to become parents, with stats showing 93-96% of people want to become parents. The problem, Shaw concludes, is that people find themselves in their 20’s and 30’s focusing on things such as education and career, and by the time they settle down to start a family they find it difficult to conceive, as their best fertile years are behind them. People are waiting longer to have children, with the average age for women in the US to have their first child rising to 28 years old, while in many other countries it is age 30 or greater.
The falling birthrate is a very significant and complicated issue, and is just one of many signs as to how pervasive the culture of death has become. I mean, we’re looking at a demographic winter, the consequences of which could very well surpass that of war, disease, famine, or natural disaster.
Void of God
Since the Enlightenment in the 17th century, man has worked to rationalize and explain our world without a Creator, void of God himself. We’ve strayed from the truth that we are to be shaped and formed in God’s image, now trying to form ourselves into a god of our own image. In this process, humanity then grows, well, less human. As Gaudium et Spes reminds us, “When God is forgotten…, the creature itself grows unintelligible.” (36)
And unintelligible we certainly are. We desperately seek connection yet sit alone in front of screens. We desire intimacy while promoting sex with practical strangers. Our growing frustrations in finding purpose and meaning in life are not unrelated to our rejection of God, they are a direct result of it. This is something noted by Pope John Paul II over 20 years ago in Evangelium Vitae, as he writes,
“When the sense of God is lost, there is also a tendency to lose the sense of man, of his dignity and his life; in turn, the systematic violation of the moral law, especially in the serious matter of respect for human life and its dignity, produces a kind of progressive darkening of the capacity to discern God’s living and saving presence…. By living ‘as if God did not exist,’ man not only loses sight of the mystery of God but also of the mystery of the world and the mystery of his own being.” (21,22)
So how should we respond? What are we called to do in building a culture of life? Two areas of focus stand out to me: the role of the family and acknowledging we are embodied spirits.
Role of the Family
We know from Genesis 1 that humanity is the pinnacle of creation. God identifies us as “very good”. And, it is the human family which forms and shapes us in our personhood. Family is where love is learned, where we grow in gift of self. As Pope John Paul II continues in Evangelium Vitae, the family
“is truly ‘the sanctuary of life: the place in which life – the gift of God – can be properly welcomed and protected against the many attacks to which it is exposed, and can develop in accordance with what constitutes authentic human growth’. Consequently the role of the family in building a culture of life is decisive and irreplaceable.” (92)
As couples who use NFP, we fundamentally acknowledge that we are the creation, not the Creator. We surrender ourselves and our marital bed to God. We strive to shape ourselves in God’s image and likeness. In doing so we lay the foundation for love and life flourish in our homes. Where our homes become a bright beacon cutting through the darkness of the culture of death.
Embodied Spirits
Using NFP also serves as a reminder that we are embodied spirits. In a very practical way we live out the reality that who we are cannot be separated from what we are. What we do with our bodies matters. What we do carries with it profound meaning. Importantly, it is in and through our bodies that love is revealed and made known. This serves as a continual reminder that we need to physically be present to others. We must limit our participation in digital spheres.
I recently came across a viral video on TikTok which featured a young Australian woman who reportedly had vowed not to have any children. That is until she was given a baby to hold for the first time in her life. She stands there, holding that precious baby, weeping, just weeping, overcome with emotion, telling her friends, “I don’t even know why I’m crying…Oh my God, I need to have a kid….”
If you’re wondering what building a culture of life looks like, it’s this. It’s getting away from our screens and genuinely engaging people. It’s going to church. Also, it’s getting married, having children and forming loving families. It’s acknowledging that God is our creator. And it’s striving to live according to his plan. It’s walking alongside others, sharing the joy and peace you find that can only be found in relationship with Jesus.
And it’s babies – lots and lots of holding babies.
Written by Susan Hoefer. This article first appeared in Family Foundations magazine, a benefit for donors to the Couple to Couple League. For engaged couples, find CCL’s NFP for Marriage Prep here. Find CCL’s PeakDay STMethodfor married couples here.