Sweet Surrender
Just the other day my daughters and I were chatting in the kitchen. As it often does, the conversation can ebb and flow as we prepare food or work on projects. On this day the topic shifted to their birth stories, and they listened attentively to the unique details of each of their arrivals into this world. One thing which piqued their interest was the wisdom I shared about how to work with and through the pains of childbirth rather than against them.
When a woman’s body is going through labor, the pain can cause an instinctual reaction to tense up. But that’s the last thing a woman should do, as it increases the pain and actually makes labor and delivery more difficult. Rather, if a woman is intentional about remaining calm and relaxed through the contractions, it makes the birth pains a bit more bearable, allowing her body to, in a way, abandon itself to the process of birth, and in doing so, bring forth a new life. It seems counterintuitive, but it is how women’s bodies are made.
Surrender
This got me thinking, aren’t we a lot like this in our spiritual lives with our Lord Jesus? I know the times are many when in my weakness I take what I believe to be the best way forward, the easiest path, or the wisest decision, when in fact it is nothing more than me imposing my will upon God. When life happens, and chaos, pain, and suffering enter our world, it seems intuitive to fight against it, to think that you can be stronger or bigger or smarter than whatever assails you. But we’re not. We weren’t made to overcome life’s struggles on our own, any more than a mother can fight away the pains of childbirth. Instead, we’re called to surrender ourselves to Jesus, to traverse through the trials that come, relying not upon our own agency to sustain us, but by submitting ourselves solely to God.
As Christians this is the crux of our pursuit of holiness; that we surrender our will, desiring to do only the will of our God. It’s easy to say, and difficult to do. Yet I think that by using NFP we can find the tools we need to practice this surrender.
Right Order
One of the blessings that comes with learning and practicing NFP is that it encourages couples to strive to be in right order with God. Couples who use NFP understand that they didn’t create their bodies, with all its hormonal ebbs and flows. They experience the sacrifices of periodic abstinence, the heartbreak of infertility, or the challenge of an unexpected pregnancy, all the while recognizing that ultimately, come what may, that God is in control of their marriages and families. All these things become conduits of grace, the practice of surrender in big and small ways, all aligning our wills to that of God.
Moment of Change
In what seems like foolishness to the world, living a life of complete surrender to Jesus becomes a life lived with abundant peace, joy, and healing. Recall the story of Jacob, who through deceit obtains his brother Esau’s birthright. One night, on his journey home to face his brother, he is awakened by an unknown assailant, and the two fight for the entire night. When it appears that Jacob reaches a stalemate with his opponent, he asks for a blessing from his adversary. But his rival will only release Jacob if he tells him his name.
Understand that knowing someone’s name was akin to having power over them, and no trivial matter. Yet Jacob surrenders this power to his opponent and reveals his name. And as Pope Benedict shared in a Wednesday audience, “…in this act of surrender paradoxically Jacob too emerges victorious because he receives a new name with the recognition of his victory by his adversary…Jacob becomes Israel, meaning… God is strong, God is victorious.” In this encounter with God, Jacob’s surrender becomes the moment of change where God uses him to become the father of the twelve tribes of Israel. Like Jacob, it is through submission of our will that we in turn obtain the ultimate victory, which is abundant life with Christ Jesus.
Practice
By all accounts, though, a world victorious in Christ seems like a virtual impossibility. We find ourselves surrounded by uncertainty, chaos, and confusion. Those things which we traditionally turned towards for societal stability are today precarious and erratic. Yet this is exactly why we need to practice holy surrender today more than ever. For as Fr. De Caussade writes in Abandonment to Divine Providence, “to escape the distress caused by regret for the past or fear about the future, this is the rule to follow: leave the past to the infinite mercy of God, the future to His good Providence, give the present wholly to His love by being faithful to His grace.” Wholeheartedly recognizing the gift of the present and striving to live there as God desires is the antidote to a life of anxiousness and worry in the midst of chaos.
Novena
If you haven’t already, I would encourage you to pray the Surrender Novena. These prayers, written by Padre Pio’s spiritual director Don Dolindo Ruotolo, beautifully relate the care and love our Father in heaven longs to share with us, if only we allow him. The prayers, written in the voice of our Lord Jesus, in part read, “Repose in me, believing in my goodness, and I promise you by my love that if you say, ‘You take care of it,’ I will take care of it all; I will console you, liberate you and guide you.”
So how does one grow in surrender? Consider prioritizing daily prayer, creating time for silence, frequenting the sacraments, and uniting our sufferings and struggles with that of our crucified Jesus. Rather than living our lives trying to impose our will on God, we ought to seek to conform our will to his—a God who loves us so unconditionally that he suffered, died, and rose again so we might have eternal life with him. This is how we bring life into the world: by abandoning ourselves in sweet surrender of Jesus.
Written by Susan Hoefer. This article first appeared in Family Foundations magazine, a benefit for donors to the Couple to Couple League. For engaged couples, find CCL’s NFP for Marriage Prep here. Find CCL’s PeakDay STMethodfor married couples here.