From Blank Stares to Chart Whisperers
Having taught CCL’s STM class for decades, I’m happy to report that the male half of learning couples has become more and more involved infertility awareness. It’s rare that the man is absent from a class when I am teaching couples, but being in the class is not the same as participating in the class. So now, with the new CCL One to One Teaching option, I get to teach one couple at a time through the power of Google Meet and watch male behavior as closely as if we were in the same room. Some of these guys may not ask questions, but I have started to understand their body language.
I can tell they are interested when they lean into the camera to look over the charts and slides. Usually, a few minutes after the lean, I start to see the questions pop up in the chat box on the screen or hands raised. Here are a few of the most common (and amusing!) questions that I have heard over the years.
“So, does NFP actually work?”
Clearly this is the top most question on a man’s mind. When presented with the evidence that the Sympto-Thermal Method is 99.6% effective, he often settles into his chair satisfied that the data shows this will be a trustworthy and reliable way to be a responsible parent.
“Are you telling me there is an app for NFP?”
Cycle tracking apps are very common for women, but men have no equivalent. The men are interested in how long they have access to the premium level of PeakDay and they truly appreciate that they can share an account with their spouse for shared fertility and real time data.
“So, we are talking about mucus that is not in her nose?”
This is usually a question from the guy who was not paying very close attention and then finally catches on. It never gets old when a man gets a little awestruck at how incredible the female body and fertility cycle is.
“What is going on with this cycle?”
This question often comes later in the teaching relationship, and it shows how the guy has become aware of the fertility cycle of his lady and is eager to help. While women have years of experience to apply during the class, men don’t seem to really ask this question until there is a chart with data. This is a great example of how NFP enables communication in a relationship. You see a guy go from having blank stares to be a true a ‘chart whisperer’ and interpret his wife’s cycle.
“Where do all the other eggs go?”
This is my favorite question of all time. A fellow engineer did the same math as I once did. A woman is born with thousands of eggs but only ovulates hundreds of times over her life. It turns out that many eggs start to mature towards ovulation in a cycle but only one or two reach ovulation.
“Is NFP really hard?”
The ultimate answer is couples are called to holiness. Abstinence is simple but not easy. I always answer that many good things like marathons (and marriages) take work. The benefits of NFP far outweigh the sacrifices. One of the guys in class summarized it nicely, saying, “NFP doesn’t cost anything except a little bit of patience.”