The Unshakable Duo of NFP & Worship
I’m hopeful! I’m hopeful for Christian marriages today. Adversity, difficulties, and unanticipated conflicts will come. But no matter what, we can persevere and preserve the marital vows, none of this 50% failure stuff. The Church teaches that “strengthened by the grace of God, there is no possible circumstance in which husband and wife cannot faithfully fulfill their duties and preserve in wedlock their chastity unspotted.” (Castii Conubii #61)
Wow, that’s encouraging, but it does depend on the grace of God. Every couple wants to have a happy marriage, but a strong, lasting, happy marriage is also a holy marriage. Many forget that the ultimate purpose of marriage is the perfection in holiness of each other. To enter into eternal happiness of heaven. Marriages today need to be especially holy with so much against chaste, Christian marriage in our culture. I’m even more hopeful because of the tools we have as Catholics.
Build on Rock
Building anything to last takes work and quality material. We have the best material in the constant teaching of the Catholic Church. We have the most solid Rock for our foundation. It is the grace of God through the love of our Lord Jesus Christ that lays the unshakable foundation. “The house built upon a rock, that is to say on mutual conjugal chastity and strengthened by a deliberate and constant union of spirit, will not only never fall away but will never be shaken by adversity.” (Castii Conubii #78) What a great way to begin and continue in marriage! This is solid, hopeful teaching, but how can we bring it about? What are the practical ways to make it happen?
This is where the powerful ‘tool’ of NFP fits perfectly into building a strong marriage. A marriage that can withstand all the difficulties that may come. Proper use of natural family planning is “mutual conjugal chastity”. It preserves and respects the inseparable unitive and procreative aspects of the conjugal, or marital union, the “one flesh” union (Gen. 2:24).
Think of chastity not only as sexual purity or abstinence, but in the broader sense of the Church’s teaching. “Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being.” (CCC #2337) NFP is a tool that helps couples not only grow in chastity but also in unity of spirit.
Union of Spirit
The “deliberate and constant union of spirit” that strengthens mutual marital chastity can be thought of as worship. When we make our lives a gift, a living sacrifice, an offering to Christ, it is a uniting of our being to God. It is worship. (Rom. 12:1-2) This is most fittingly done in the celebration of the Eucharist offering ourselves and every aspect of our married lives to the Father along with the Body of Christ. (CCC #901)
The deliberate and constant union of spirit in Christ in our marriage, most fittingly celebrated in our ‘one flesh’ union, is worship. When we make our permanent union and our one flesh union an offering to God, it transforms us into the life-giving source of grace the institution of marriage is created to be, a sacrament representing the union of Christ and His bride the Church. If we disinvite the Holy Spirit from our union, it cannot be life giving. Contraception is ‘contra-worship’.
NFP is a completely natural tool that respects God’s design and allows for real love that is freely given, fully given, faithful, and fruitful. Fertility awareness is the knowledge of the biological processes of the sexual powers. With this knowledge, couples can accurately determine the fertile phase and discern whether to abstain and postpone pregnancy or increase their life-giving potential. This discernment, done in prayer, is the responsible exercise of parenthood. Couples without that knowledge might find it easier to have an indifferent attitude toward their sexual union and not recognize fully their own duties toward themselves, their family, and God.
Creating a Space
Even more, by practicing NFP, a couple creates a space or a context for enhancing worship, the key to pleasing God and growing in holiness. Think of worship in the context of the Mass. Practicing NFP requires intentional communication and, in charting, a type of preparation. Worship needs communication and preparation to be effective. If we show up at Mass and we know it is the 23rd week in ordinary time and what that means, we have already entered more fully into the Mass. We are more connected to the liturgical rhythm and cosmic nature of the sacrifice of the Mass. Certainly, worship can be spontaneous, but a Solemn Mass with all the preparation of music, incense, and beautiful accoutrements is breathtaking.
Path to Holiness
The Church wants our sexuality to be worship and God created it with that potential. “Christian marriage is a sacrament whereby sexuality is integrated into a path to holiness, through a bond reinforced by the indissoluble unity of the sacrament.” (The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality #30) Here are a couple of practical ways we can do this right now whether newlyweds or seasoned parents.
Pray.
Together, make the sign of the cross and invite the Holy Spirit. You can pray any prayer you like, the “Our Father”, a “Hail Mary”, or a “Glory Be”. You can make one up but pray. If you don’t know what to pray use the prayer to the Holy Spirit:
Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful
and kindle in them the fire of your love.Send forth your Spirit and they shall be created,
and you shall renew the face of the earth.
Light a candle.
When we pray in Church, we often light candles. You will see candles on the altar for every Mass, even more for exposition and adoration. You could even go so far as to have a special icon of a saint next to the candle or candles. At Mass, either on the altar or near it, there is to be a cross, with the figure of Christ crucified. Place a crucifix somewhere to be seen, if you don’t have one on your wall already.
Get some holy water.
Sacramentals like holy water, enhances worship by remembering that in baptism we are incorporated into Christ. In Him we have died to the old nature and risen to new life. It is the sacramental power of baptism that makes the marriage a sacrament. Tap into those powers. Not just when trials come and the needs seem greater than you can bear, but when all is going well, too.
Men, take the lead.
We typically like to light fires anyway! It slows things down a little to light a candle and say a prayer.
Union
When we see our sexual union as an act of worship and a renewal of our covenantal vows the intimacy is supernatural. Using NFP to maintain your mutual conjugal chastity and deliberately uniting your hearts in Christ through worship lays a foundation that makes a marriage unshakable.