Finding Freedom in “Not So Perfect” Charting
Summertime is full of lots of deviations from normal routine with vacations and family time around every corner. This can sometimes cause you to miss information on your fertility chart leading to an unsuccessful interpretation of Phase 3, shown as ‘green’ in PeakDay all the way to the end of a cycle. This time of unknown fertility can leave you with a lack of freedom to discern marital relations. We have a few suggestions to take back control of your chart and get back to the summer fun.
Be Your Own Scientist
When presented with a chart in unknown phases, be your own scientist. For missing information, take it one day at a time and change habits to work through inconveniences. Use the Notifications feature in the PeakDay app to help you remember to input your temperature and mucus observations. Try changing the goal from the same waking time each day to just taking your temperature when you wake up noting the difference in time in the ‘Add Notes’ section under the Custom tab in the app. The temperature can be abnormal but only if it is out of range of other temps and this goal might work better for you, especially if you do not see abnormalities.
The convenience of having the PeakDay app on your phone is that your chart is readily available to make updates. Try updating the mucus observation whenever you see a more fertile sign throughout the day. This may be easier than trying to remember at the end of the day and it just might be enough to get that observation on your chart.
Gentle Reminders
Consider making a stronger effort to record observations as a sacrifice for you and your spouse. It takes time and effort but will show your spouse you care about where you are in your cycle. In doing so, you recognize that your cycle impacts your spouse as well. The same is true for your spouse if he sees you struggling. Extra reminders, done in a loving way, can go far in securing a trusting and caring relationship and growing in intimacy. A helpful hint to achieve this would be for both the husband and wife to have PeakDay downloaded on their phones. Problem solving chart observations together can lead to strengthened communication that can carry over in other areas in your relationship.
For cycle disruptions from what you normally see, look for patterns that might explain the source of these disruptions such as nutrition, sleep or stress. Make notes about what is going on in your life on your chart and connect them to irregularities. Talk to a Fertility Coach if you are really struggling.
TTW?
Within married life, NFP becomes difficult when there is not enough data on the chart and can lead to unintentional abstinence when postponing pregnancy. Remember, you can make your intentions of achieving or postponing as effective as you want. Take the chances that you are comfortable with. Discuss your family planning intention during Phase 3 when you are not abstaining to help prepare for the next cycle. In some online circles, TTW, or ‘Trying To Whatever’, can be a time when you are not as serious about postponing pregnancy. This can be a time when you are open to God’s intentions, making that choice through discernment. However, even during this time, keep charting so you can move forward to understand where you are and what that means.
Being Open
You are the authority of your own cycle and can decide on intimacy even if the app is green. Being open to God in our marriages and to how He made us gives us true freedom. God did not make us fertile all the time and even when we are fertile, according to the symptoms, we don’t always achieve pregnancy. We must learn to love each other in balance. Marital chastity can be important in learning and growing in your marital relationship; there is much more than just physical intimacy. Look to Mary and Joseph and ask them to pray for you. They are beautiful examples of NFP, abstaining for love of each other and God, and saying “yes” for love of God!
Originally published in Family Foundations magazine, a publication sent to patrons of Couple to Couple League. Written by Stacey Nagle, Bernadette Jones, and Elizabeth Timpe. Stacey, Bernadette and Elizabeth are all fertility coaches with FSI and long-time teaching couples for CCL with their husbands. They are all located in various parts of Colorado, where they live with their families.