Even The Onion knows mainstream birth control options are a joke

If you are familiar with The Onion, their headlines may give you a chuckle as you’re scrolling down your timeline. And if youre not, perhaps theyll give you a scare if you dont immediately realize that its a satirical news site that pokes fun at whats happening in the news. (My roommate was once a victim after an article stated that Beanie Babies were actually filled with spider eggs that were now hatching…we really gave her some trouble for believing that one.)

Recently, The Onion published this small little blurb about a woman on the pill, the headline reading, “Woman Whos Been On The Pill For Years Thinking About Switching To New Set Of Debilitating Side Effects,” in effect joking that dealing with the side effects women are served up with their birth control options are very much akin to picking your poison. The blurb goes on to describe the woman getting tired of the cramps the pill gives her and weighing a switch to the painful migraines that NuvaRing would give her, what a deal! They even quoted the (fake) woman, saying, “In the end, I guess it’s just important that I go with the unbearable side effects that are right for me.”

Sure, this article is just satire, but still it does highlight just how much of a joke mainstream birth control options are today, not only stopping at making your body much more uncomfortable with side effects like cramps, headaches and lower libido, but also potentially impacting your long-term health with a higher likelihood of blood clots and depression.

Luckily for this woman and all women out there, we dont have to pick our poison! Natural family planning is completely safe, and contrary to popular belief, just as effective (check out the benefits here) as the other options out there. The pill, shots, patches, NuvaRing, IUDs and any other devices out there are not the “end all, be all” of birth control! Consider ditching the choices between side effects, and trying a method with zero.

And if youre already an avid NFP user, share this with someone whos dealing with the joke of poor side effects and let them know theres a better way!

— Megan Imwalle
Communications Intern