There is no mention of children in this man’s letter. I don’t know whether they have children or how many they have, but I believe that the deeper problem—more than an improper use of the method—may be a contraceptive mentality. If abstinence is a burden, the couple should ask themselves why they are abstaining. Remember, NFP requires NO abstinence. The couple chooses to abstain when they choose to avoid pregnancy. “The method” cannot make anyone abstain on their honeymoon—or at any other time.  

Unfortunately, in today’s sex-saturated society, many people--including NFP users—have forgotten the connection between sex and children. Let‘s recognize that fertility is the normal state of the married couple during their reproductive years. We ought to accept children lovingly from God, unless we have serious reasons not to. Yes, raising a child is a heavy responsibility. Yet we shouldn’t expect to avoid this responsibility without some sacrifice. Abstaining from sex is a minimal inconvenience compared with the sacrifices that childbearing requires. Some wives may greatly fear or feel unprepared to make these sacrifices. The burden of bearing and raising children falls heavily on the wife, but the burden of abstinence when avoiding pregnancy often falls more heavily on the man. Remember, some women die in childbirth, but no man ever died of abstinence. I would suggest that this man try to offer up his sacrifices for others. I would advise him to be considerate of his wife, to try to see her as a person who needs to be loved rather than someone who “owes” him more sex.  

I have been married 18½ years and have also used NFP from the beginning. Adding up the months of marriage, I came up with this estimate: 3.5 years spent postponing pregnancy, 2.0 years spent trying to achieve pregnancy, 5.5 years spent pregnant, and  7.5 years spent nursing (so far). I have had seven children and one miscarriage. I think this is a more accurate picture of the “NFP lifestyle.” There is no concern about abstinence and charting during pregnancy and nursing, which would naturally take up most of a woman’s reproductive years. However, raising a large family is a duty that most couples are unwilling to accept.

There are many situations that cause a couple to abstain—including illness, stress, lack of privacy, etc. This is just part of marriage, so let’s not blame NFP. Let us pray for each other, that in our marriages we may be able to make all necessary sacrifices with love and peace of mind and heart.