I know and understand that you are not exaggerating your suffering, because we delayed consummation of our marriage for many more than 2 weeks. Since our second child, I reluctantly agreed to Phase I abstinence. Sometimes Phase III was just like you described, and I questioned if celibacy within marriage was our calling.

I dare you to read on, because your suffering is not caused by NFP. When NFP is working, husband and wife move mountains to enjoy intimacy to say "I love you and us."

All suffering related to sex is caused by using sexual powers to say "I love me." Is your wife mis-using NFP as contraception, out of fear that God's will for you might be pregnancy? Is someone saying "I love me" by denying an untreated physical, nutritional, or medical problem? Is there unresolved past infidelity or abuse? Does a selfish desire to "get relief" cause the pressure to use the first minute of Phase III?

God has been trying to tell you for 18 years that something you need to enter His kingdom remains unfulfilled. One of the effects of Original and Personal sin is difficulty identifying problems and causes, and deciding on necessary changes. That is why competent counselors can help us know and do God's will.

Be not afraid. If we need the patience of Job and the grace of Mary to help our spouse fully embrace God's will, then God will deliver.

Do God's will. Repent from using your sexual powers to say anything like "I love me." That would include pornography, innuendo, vulgar language, many pop-culture TV shows and ads, dirty jokes, personal habits and appearance. Yes, this is hard; but it is prudent, not prudish.

Do not despair. Everyone who read your letter is praying for you and your wife. I am in awe of your faith and perseverance with prolonged sacrifice so far, because God always rewards His faithful servants.