I am so thankful you wrote. I was feeling particularly discouraged about NFP on the day I received our Family Foundations and read your letter along with Gregory Popcak's article concerning sexual frustration. Believe it or not, because of our current situation I even searched the Catechism hoping for some loophole that would grant me permission to be sterilized, even though in my heart I know that’s wrong. One thing struck me from the Catechism: One part explained that chastity is never something we are “through with,” but rather, we experience it all through our life at different stages in varying degrees of challenge. Many of us will have to get a handle on our urges if our spouse becomes disabled or passes away. Some of us also will have to deal with separations due to work travel or military service. If we never have abstained regularly before, these times could be overwhelming and even lead us into temptation.

It does get very frustrating. I often pity myself that I can't just be with my husband and he with me whenever we desire. But I think Mr. Popcak is right that our sexual urges need to be mastered, like hunger or anger. We just have to be thankful that God, through the Church, knows better than we do and that if we look at the culture of death we can clearly see the results of “free sex.” Even in marriage it shouldn't be “free,” but be with an open heart to life. If we really have a serious reason to avoid pregnancy, I imagine we would receive very special graces to get through that challenge. 

Maybe God is really begging you to increase your family size or is allowing you to suffer enough that you and your wife will communicate better about the problem. But I promise that all your years of frustration are NOT in vain. It’s not too late to go back and offer them up as a sacrifice to strengthen your faith and make your future years of marriage better than ever. 

Thank you, CCL, for allowing this man’s opinion to be heard because he speaks for a lot of us that are too chicken to speak out. We all know it’s not NFP’s fault; it’s our own human weakness…and we sure hate to admit that.