I have a tiny Christmas ornament that hangs on our Christmas tree each year. It's a tiny ceramic baby shoe that my mom gave my husband and I in memory of our two babies that died from the miscarriages that I had. It reminds me of my little babies, and it also reminds me of the love and acknowledgement that these were indeed precious lives to people other than my husband and I.

Others have reacted differently to my miscarriages. Some said it wouldn't have amounted to a 'baby' anyway — my body was getting rid of something that must have been defective. Some said it was 'meant to be,' and others seemed puzzled as to why I would shed tears over something so intangible.

You ask how I handle these comments, and my answer is that I choose to embrace the comments and actions of people like my mother who supported us and understood our sadness. I try not to dwell on any of the other comments. And, I try to remember that even these comments that seemed insensitive came from people who had not experienced what we had. They probably meant well, but lacked the understanding or the words needed to encourage us.

Before I had my miscarriages I will admit that it was hard to grasp what other people were going through. A friend of mine miscarried and I remember thinking that she must be sad, but then didn't really think much more of it. As you have experienced, the pain of miscarriage is so real and the love for that child — no matter how tiny — is so intense.

So, instead of focusing on the nurse in the ER who told me to quit crying as I miscarried my baby on the hospital bed, I remember those who honored the life of my babies. There was the friend who said, "Well, now you have part of your family waiting for you. Some day you'll all be together." Or my brother-in-law who called and shed a tear over our loss — something I had never seen from him.

We have had three children in addition to the two we lost with our miscarriages. People have said that I have been 'perpetutally pregnant' these past few years. They aren't far off. I have gotten pregnant almost immediately after both of my miscarriages. So, I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding for quite a long time. And so begins the next round of comments. "Don't you want your body back?" "You need to take a break," "Are you done yet?" or my favorite, "They're Catholic, of course they'll have more." I again have to choose not to dwell on these comments — comments which I'm sure we'll hear more of if God blesses us with more children.

What I focus on is the comment from my husband, "All of our children are such beautiful blessings. I can't see us not having more."

— J.B., IA