My husband and I are expecting our ninth baby and have experienced three miscarriages as well. It was interesting to see the progression of comments and looks with each child go from total joy to disbelief and disgust. We have even had people comment on what our sexual habits must be. It is embarassing and upsetting. It had gotten to the point where we were afraid to share our news with family and some friends because we knew what we were in for. Fortunately, both my husband's mother (his father is deceased) and my parents were overjoyed at the news this time around. This came as a shock since my father had actually walked out on me after the announcement of my previous pregnancy. What brought about the change of heart? We hope it is our prayers for their conversion, but mostly I believe it is our love for each other, my husband's obvious joy at being a father AGAIN, and our other 8 children who are a total joy to my parents in every way. Also, fortunately for us, we have a strong network of Christian, pro-life friends who are very supportive. This counteracts the negative comments and looks we get. To date, neither one of my sisters has acknowledged this baby, even though we spent Easter with one of them and I was 5 months pregnant. I take it as being persecuted for the faith and I pray for my sisters as they have put career before family and their children spend more time in daycare or with friends than they do at home. Interestingly enough, both of my sisters are unhappy in their jobs and one has a noticeably unhappy marriage.

As to the thoughtless comments after the loss of your baby, realize that many people have never experienced such a deep loss and simply cannot understand your grief. It also makes them feel like things will somehow be easier for you since you don't have to care for another child. I actually had a good friend tell me how her puppy had gotten run over during the phone call to inform her that our baby had died at 16 weeks gestation. I was speechless, but years later, I was able to understand that being childless herself, this was all she could compare it to. We are still good friends and she has always come to see every baby after birth and spends a good deal of time with my now older girls. They share an interest in horses. Sometimes the best way to handle these comments is to smile quietly and offer up your pain. Your husband will be there to hold you and help ease the grief, even if friends and family fail you.

One more thought. We experienced three miscarriages in a row after our third child was born. Two were second trimester losses. This was a trying time in our marriage and helped us progress on our faith journey. At that time, we didn't have many pro-life friends and knew little about NFP or Church teachings on contraception. We received tons of advice to be happy with our live children and to stop getting pregnant. Fortunately for us, we were able to persevere, come to an understanding of Church teachings, take an NFP class and we conceived our son and four more children after him, including a set of twins. As I mentioned earlier, we are also expecting our ninth baby in August. If we had listened to what society tells us, we would have missed out on all these wonderful children. It is almost too much to think about.

Support each other, love your children and pray, pray, pray. It is hard to swim against the current, but have you ever heard anyone say they wished they'd have had LESS children? It is always wishing they had had MORE! That will never be you! Count your blessings and smile with joy, even through the thoughtless comments, looks and advice. May God bless you and your family.

— A.S. WI