Edison & Michelle
Michelle: NFP has been the single greatest gift God has given to our marriage second only to our children, but our marriage started off quite bumpy. There was even a time when we both didn’t want to be husband and wife anymore.
Edison: We got married in 1998, regrettably already cohabitating and contracepting. Michelle was raised Catholic, and I was raised in the Presbyterian Church. We did not know what God intended the marital embrace to be and did not understand why the Catholic Church taught against contraception…nor did we care. And we never considered or discussed an alternative to contraception. During those first few years of marriage, our relationship deteriorated. We looked at each other and said, “You love me. What can your love do for me?” We both grew disillusioned and very unhappy because neither was living up to the other’s expectations.
Michelle: As a married couple, we lived in fear of an unwanted pregnancy. Even with using contraception, we held our breaths anxiously every month, waiting for my period to come. Whew! We were “safe” for another month! Then I started taking Depo-Provera injections to prevent pregnancy. The clinic told me they had to give me the shot in my thigh because “there had been too many pregnancies” with injections in the arm. When my cycles stopped due to the artificial hormones, we did not have that monthly assurance of no pregnancy, and it seemed our anxiety was higher than ever. I “felt pregnant” numerous times, gained weight and was extremely moody. At the same time, Edison verbalized concern about what all of these injections were doing to my body. Wasn’t this the same stress we experienced as a sexually active couple before marriage? Wasn’t sex between a husband and wife supposed to be different, special? It certainly did not feel like it, especially when we resorted to condoms. We were protecting ourselves from each other, and we were married to each other!
Eventually I had the opportunity to go on a weekend retreat, where the Holy Spirit stirred deeply within my heart. I cried to the priest there that I was miserable, and for every complaint I had, he had an answer. “Unhappy about picking up dirty clothes off the floor? Do it anyway, and do it with love. Marriage takes three, not two. Get on your knees every day together before a crucifix.” We certainly were not doing any of this. I learned that marriage requires Christ, and it requires looking to the other person and saying, “I love you. What can my love do for you?”
Edison: That fall, I joined RCIA to convert those “Mary-worshipping Catholics.” What I didn't realize was that God was actually calling me to become Catholic. Who would have thought that I would eventually be teaching Natural Family Planning? My role as husband and father started to evolve. RCIA taught me about the sanctity of marriage and how I needed to grow in faith and in love with my spouse, but I didn’t know how.
Michelle: As Edison proceeded through RCIA, I grew deeper in my faith and fell in love with being Catholic. Suddenly contraception really troubled me…a lot! There must be another way to plan our family, a way that would not harm our bodies or our relationship. I finally said, “I can’t do this anymore!”
Edison: I did not understand how Michelle could change the rules in the middle of the game. One evening after RCIA, I spoke to my sponsor about the decision that Michelle had made about discontinuing the use of contraception. He told me that he and his wife practiced NFP and that in doing so they were being obedient to the Church’s teaching and strengthening their marriage. That was when I decided to give NFP a shot. I still didn’t like the idea, but I considered the alternative and thought that it would beat sleeping on the couch. I didn’t understand until we finally started practicing NFP, and fully accepting one another, even our fertility.
Michelle: Finding our first NFP class was like finding an oasis. Finally, finally, here was everything our hearts had yearned for, some of it without even knowing. Here we found not only a way we could plan our family responsibly, but also a way to glorify God with our marriage—in all its aspects.
Edison: My part in the shared responsibility in NFP grew in baby steps. At first, I was in charge of temperatures, by handing the thermometer to Michelle every morning and recording her temperature. By actively participating in deciding if God is calling us to have more children and working together in fulfilling God’s call, I fully embraced NFP. When we are postponing pregnancy, the abstinence is both difficult and a blessing. It is still a struggle sometimes even now, after all this time. But we get to enjoy a courtship and a honeymoon every month. Who else can make that statement? We have tried to take the time of abstinence to grow in our marriage in other ways. Chocolate helps, and so does a good movie membership! We have offered up our abstinence for prayer intentions. We recently decided to begin each Phase III with a date night. Every cycle we have a dinner date to celebrate the end of our abstinence and our upcoming intimacy that night. My wife is worth waiting for!
Michelle: That is one of the most special things my husband has ever said to me. How amazing—that my husband, to whom I am bonded for life and with whom I share a bed every night, can say that—it just means the world to me. We did not wait for each other before we were married, and we had no restraint when we first were married. Yet now he tells me that I am worth waiting for. How loving...how selfless.
