I read your letter about being resentful of NFP. I think you're misplacing your anger. It's not NFP that's hurting your sex life, it's your wife! I say this in response to some statements you made: "The only time I get to ask my wife for sex is when she doesn't want sex." (as the article goes on I wonder if she EVER wants sex. And what's this about you asking your wife? Doesn't she ever initiate it?)

"When she is interested, during Phase II, we can't make love, so we've learned to simply repress sexual desire when it actually exists." (Are you trying NOT to have kids? EVER?)

"Then, I try, ususally unsuccessfully, to spark her interest when Phase II is over." (Doesn't she recognize that you're trying to romance her? If so, she should respond, even if not in the mood, as a way of showing she appreciates you trying. Marriage is about both partners, not just her.)

"My wife has refused point blank to take her temperature, since this involves geting up early in the morning, which she won't do. (Doesn't your wife work? I set my alarm 10 minutes early. Then when I hit the snooze button, I pop the thermometer in my mouth.

Last, the whole paragraph about tension building up to Day 18 where you state "she rolls her eyes and tells me that I haven't romanced her enough to earn sex" absolutely blew me away. Right there you tell me she doesn't respect you very much. I've read books & magazine articles about keeping the "spark" alive. Not one of them says sex has to be earned. It's a give as much as a take. Let's turn this around: What has she done to "earn" you making love to her? The way she treats you, I'd say nothing. It sounds to me like she's one of those women who just plain don't enjoy sex & views it as a chore, not a gift. I've heard of these women, but I honestly thought they were from the "old days" when women weren't supposed to enjoy sex. I've never actually met one.

My husband and I practice NFP in order to know when to try for a baby. The rest of the month is all bonus. However, I see I'm totally different from your wife. I enjoy making love to my husband. We have a 3 1/2-year-old son who makes it very hard to let us "romance", so a lot of the time, it's a quick minute or so of foreplay or even just the suggested statement "You want to?" and we're off & running. We take advantage of time alone after our son goes to bed & long before we're too tired to try it. None of that sounds very romantic, but it is fun "stealing" those moments. To be fair, there are times when I'm too tired & I'll have to turn him down. This happens more during the school year, when I teach, than during the summer, when I take off. We never put each other down. The only time I roll my eyes at him is when he's made a very dry joke. Then I usually laugh at it anyway because his attempt was there.

We had a relationship changing event take place a year ago. Our priest assigned our whole parish to read the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. He also sponsored several "seminars" dealing with the book. Through that experience, I learned that my husband views love mostly as words that build up his self esteem and secondly as physical touch. Physical touch can be anything from holding hands to scratching his back/head to simply touching his shoulder as I walk by — just something to let him know I'm thinking of him. (My husband told me these as suggested items.) On my part, we discoverd that I view love mostly as how much he helps me with chores around the house. I learned that all I have to do is ask for his help and he will. If I don't ask, he didn't even know I needed it. Looking back, those things should've been obvious, but weren't. So what's the point of this paragraph? Had we not talked about these little issues, we would still be having harsh words/feelings that weren't necessary.

I would encourage you and your wife to read that book and really discuss each chapter. Maybe she doesn't recognize your "romancing" her because it's not the way she envisions being romanced/loved. I'm willing to bet physical love is pretty high on your list and until she truly understands that and recognizes it as a way of telling you she loves you, she's not connecting to your Love Language. Also, discuss again what your plans for a family are/aren't. It seems to me you should be able to make love more often that just those few days and be willing to accept a pregnancy, should one occur. Take the days during Phase I where it's least likely to happen.

I really think you and your wife have a lot of soul-searching to do. If you can't figure out on your own how to do it, ask your priest for help or go to a counselor. I really think there are deeper issues here than NFP. Take that out of the equation and you still have a wife who won't let you touch her. Find out why. Work from there. I wish you the best of luck. Everyone deserves a happy marriage.