The first thing I would say to this man is that he is so close to being a saint. I was impressed by his story because he’s been beaten down for 18 years and yet has stayed the course. And I really like his sense of humor for using such frank language to an audience that would probably disagree with his conclusions.
To this man, and any other husband who read his letter and thinks he deserves more from his wife, let me give you a perspective of an NFP instructor who has seen the charts of countless married couples. I have a good idea how often married couples with several children are together at night. I wouldn’t normally want to say this publicly, but because I think it would do much good to set people on the right course, let me say it this once. These couples are managing perhaps one time in Phase I and two or three times in Phase III. So in charity, let me continue this direct language – if you think you deserve more, Hollywood has skinned you like an alleycat. You’ve been taken.
The Handbook of Prayers gives us an additional consideration. In the Examination of Conscience, it says “Did I, without serious reason, deprive my spouse of the marital right? Did I claim my rights in a way which showed no concern for my spouse’s state of mind or health?” If both spouses are asking this question before bed each night as part of their general exam, they cannot help but have more peace in this area of their marriage.
I say this man is only close to being a saint, because he didn’t articulate the supernatural motive for what has kept him going all these years. Maybe he or other men in his situation have not yet considered putting that to words. Let me offer one possibility. In Rome there is a church with a single inscription repeated numerous times around the top ring of the wall. It says “Vale la pena Vale la pena Vale la pena,” or “It’s all worthwhile.” These kind of heroic sacrifices, when done for the love of God and salvation of others, build up immense treasure in heaven. I content this man is on the verge of unlocking a dam of graces for his family and the world.
