We, as husband and wife, agree with many of your statements about NFP. We, too, have been through many difficult moments and cycles because when DW was "ready," it was Phase II. DH has used almost every term you did — verbatim. In our culture, men find endless sources of temptation and frustration which are difficult enough to combat when not restricted to Phase III rules. The only solace/support we found was among other NFPers who admitted to mutual masturbation during times of deprivation. Needless to say, this was not an option for either of us.
Not only is there the increased pressure for DH leading up to Phase III, but there can also be increased emotional pressure on DW to "perform" at a lower-interest time for her within her cycle. NFP does indeed have the ability to take the spontaneity out of the bedroom. This can leave DW with a feeling of emotional withdrawal and additional frustration for both.
At the same time, we have some questions for you. Did you offer to take her temperature for her? Do you constructively communicate your feelings to each other? Do you want to be together for the sake of being together or do you just want relief for your own selves? How many children do you have? Eighteen years of NFP is hell if you use it for birth control because birth control is a piece of Hell.
Medical conditions being a totally different matter, if you are simply scared of children and want The Life in the 'burbs, then you already have your pinky toe in Hell. That's what birth control gets you. Yes, you could have had sex whenever you wanted "if it hadn't been for NFP", but that statement assumes an important point. You ought better to have said that you could have had sex without getting children. If you were fully open to new life then you could (can) have had sex whenever you wanted. Eighteen years of Phase III implies 18 years of childless sex. Why this stringent fear? Of course you might have had the "grave" reasons theologians describe, but if you were simply using NFP as birth control, then you were, as St Paul said in a different context, "the most pitiable of men." Who, having decided to live a contraceptive lifestyle, would choose the most difficult form of contraception? And who, living a Christian marriage committed to God's gift of life, would want a contraceptive mentality? Your sad story and your suffering seem to be rooted in an unresolved contradiction: NFP as stealth contraception.
We have adopted our own "Rule Z," laying open our fertility before God and accepting His will in family planning. Both of us are much happier and relaxed since we allow and welcome our lives to be changed by our children, who are truly God's blessings. We now have five children between the ages of seven and seven months, and are peaceful about our life.
NFP, in our humble opinion, ought only to be used in very serious circumstances and as a brief spacer between children. Otherwise, people will try to satisfy the letter of the law without the Spirit, and St. Paul would have recourse to say to us as he did to the Galatians, "Are you so foolish? Having begun in the Spirit are you now being make perfect by the flesh?" Gal. 3:3
