I, too, have a Phase I that does not allow for relations. I also do not take my temperature; I have three young children so a combination of erratic sleep and early wake times makes it nearly impossible. Further, I am not especially amorous during Phase III. It sounds like my cycle is very similar to this man's wife's cycle, and yet both my husband and I have experienced the benefits of NFP for nearly 10 years.
In order to use NFP in a way that suited our marriage, we have tended to interpret my cycle on a month-by-month basis. We look at the day that mucus begins and the type of mucus it is. If the mucus is not of a fertile type and if the day is before the end of Phase I according to the "21 day rule," then we have decided that is OK for us. We know that the effectiveness of NFP is less with this interpretation, but we also know that the pill is also less effective if it is not taken under the same circumstances all the time.
When my husband and I interpret my cycle and discuss the reasons we have for avoiding a pregnancy, we are generally in agreement; and due to this agreement I am not carrying the burden of NFP all by myself. When we agree on our reasons for using NFP, we carry that cross together. We both know that we would love to have relations, but we also know that there is a greater reason why we are not. Furthermore, during Phase III I am not physiologically amorous, but love is by nature self-giving and, whether I am amorous or not, relations gives me the opportunity to give of myself, wholly and entirely.
There was a time within our marriage when we did not agree that we had sufficiently serious reasons for using NFP. During this time my husband thought that we had serious reason to avoid a pregnancy, and I did not. I questioned my husband's motivation and I could not help but be tempted to think that he wanted to have relations only for his own pleasure. The husband should love his wife as he loves his own body, and if he puts his bodily pleasure as more important than embracing all of her as she was created, fertility and all, then it leads to feelings of resentment. At this time I felt like an object and I did not want to give of myself in that way. I began to avoid him and I always seemed to be "too tired," so I would go to sleep early. I was only tempted in this way for a few months, but it was enough. I never want to have those doubts again.
In the letter, the man gave me the impression that he has been tempted toward contraception. The heart of the problem with contraception is the same as the problem with using NFP with a contraceptive mentality. Both do damage to the trust within a marriage, and the woman can feel like an object to be used. Using contraception may have fixed all of that man's problems regarding NFP, but it would not have addressed his wife's concerns if she feels as I did.
The solution to embracing an NFP marriage is communication and trust. Both spouses have to agree on their reasons for avoiding a pregnancy and neither spouse can be afraid to voice concerns to the other. As I said, when you are both on the same page then you both carry the cross together, and that is what marriage is all about. Another thing to be aware of is how easy it is easy to fall into the temptation to use NFP with a contraceptive mentality. In our society there are plenty of selfish reasons for avoiding a pregnancy, and women are regarded as objects all the time. This is something we must all strive to avoid at all times.
