The main problem is that you are worried about your needs, but never make mention of your wife's needs. There is no formula for romance. Perhaps your wife has given you a few ideas, but if not done with the right motive — making her happy — then they are useless, just as you have discovered. This is why they seem to change each time she talks about them; you are doing the right things with the wrong motivation. When you go to work, you expect compensation for the work you did. These romantic offerings are not compensation for your wife's marital embrace. When you give the romantic offerings expecting sexual pleasure in return, they become pay, sex becomes shallow in your wife's eyes, all that you do is seen as trying to get her to bed. This is where her anger comes from in phase III.

You need to change your paradigm. Instead of thinking about how you're going to please your wife so that you can get her to have sex with you, you need to think about what you are going to do this month to meet her needs, whatever they may be. Genuinly try to meet her needs with no strings attached, i.e. without expecting sex at all this month. The only thing you should be worried about is whether you are meeting her needs and making her happy. That is the goal, keeping her happy. I can pretty much assure you that she knows your sexual needs; she will be more concerned about meeting these needs when there is someone in the house worried about meeting her needs. I would guess that between the kids and you, she feels the same as I did. Totally alone. People only trying to make her happy if they want something. When she is more satisfied, I believe you will find yourself more satisfied as well.