Replies

CCL printed the following letter in the March-April 2005 issue of Family Foundations and asked our membership for their replies. Some replies were printed in the May-June 2005 issue, but we also have posted all of them here.

To Whom It May Concern:

I was looking at your magazine and saw the letters of appreciation. I wonder if you have the courage to even read through this letter, let alone respond to it. I am in my 18^th year of NFP. I embraced the idea when we were engaged, went to the classes, and was optimistic about the challenge of living the NFP lifestyle. My wife and I were both virgins on our wedding night (and remained that way for two weeks, thanks to NFP).

Eighteen years later, I recognize NFP for what it is: an endless, horrible, hideous, waking nightmare.

Since we are using NFP, by definition, the only time that I get to ask my wife for sex is when she doesn’t want sex. She’s not interested during her period, which I think is probably pretty common. She’s also not interested when she’s got PMS, which, of course, coincides with most of Phase Three. This situation is also quite common. When she is interested, during Phase Two, we can’t make love, so we’ve learned to simply repress sexual desire when it actually exists. Then, I try, usually unsuccessfully, to spark her interest when Phase Two is over.

All of the above is inescapable, physiological fact. Any couple that claims this has not been a problem in their marriage is simply lying.

Also, my wife’s cycle does not permit much of a Phase One. The only way to extend it at all is a close watch on the temperature and other physiological signs. Since the second year of our marriage, my wife has refused point blank to take her temperature, since this involves getting up early in the morning, which she won’t do. Her cycle is pretty regular, and we know that Phase Three begins on Day 18.

In addition, since the only time I can ask for sex is starting on Day 18, there is this incredible tension in the house that builds up as Day 18 approaches. On Day 18, she rolls her eyes and tells me that I haven’t “romanced” her enough to “earn” sex. The trouble is, the definition of “romancing” is never the same from one day to another.

The reason for her attitude is NFP. Had it not been for NFP, we would have been able to make love when we wanted to, not when we had to, because we only have such a small window of opportunity. My wife would have seen my attempts at romance, however clumsy they may have been, as genuine, and not as simply preliminaries to Phase Three. Without NFP, we would have been able to be spontaneous, and I would have been able to hear it without the resentment that comes from hearing a refusal from someone who hadn’t even faced the question for 18 days.

Our whole lives would have been different, and better, but for the poison of NFP.

I would not wish an NFP life on the foulest fiend in Hell. I don’t know how you people can, with a clear conscience, foist this nightmare on unsuspecting couples. You owe it to them to tell them what it really is like to live two-thirds of your married life without sex. But you won’t, since you earn a living by spreading the lies about NFP.

Have a nice day.